Misunderstood by fear of the unknown, inexperience, or not knowing where to begin. Through a variety of sexy and fun methods, BDSM is the exploration of power and sensation. BDSM and other forms of kink are based on trust, communication, and respect when done correctly. Also are a great way to explore sexually, mentally, and physically.
BDSM unfortunately, it has a stigma attached to it and the people who partake. It's believed by some that people who enjoy BDSM are perverse, lacking in moral code, and deviant. Especially for feminine genders, exploring your sexuality and being confident in your desires is one thing that society just doesnt seem to get along with. The involvement of anyone in the BDSM world often involves being shamed and discouraged. But we are here to change that!
By its definition, BDSM is an exploration of one's self, ones desires, ones power & authenticity. The bdsm commuinity is accepting all genders, relationships, lifestyles, sexualities, and ages. True BDSM explorers are some of the most respectful individuals you will ever meet and they take CONSENT more serious than most people.
The history of BDSM has a scattered history. One of its first sightings was in ancient Greek art, and then the Karma Sutra with its depictions of spanking. European history of the 15 to 18 centuries referred to brothels and parlors as offering restraints, flagellation, and other punishments.
BDSM is a broad term for other kinks. BDSM can be broken down into multiple sections:
Bondage and Discipline - Refers to the physical restraint of an individual and the punishment of them.
Sado-Masochism - The giving and receiving of pleasure through pain or humiliation.
Dominance and Submission - A dominant person has control of the scene and orders the submissive. and a person who follows the orders given.
Just remember with these sections or any other references to BDSM consent is key. Consent and communications must always be checked on before, during, and after the scene. You should always receive a verbal yes during the scene.
If you are new to BDSM and want to explore, think about what ideas you may have or want to try.
Do you want to be a dominant or a submissive, which do you feel you naturally are? which turns you on? Are you a little bit of both?
Do you want to receive pain or dish it out? = try flogging or spanking!
Do you like tying knots or like the feeling of rope against your skin? Try basic rope play- (rope play blog coming soon!)
Keep in mind the roles you try, do not reflect badly upon who you are. Many like to explore the opposite role of their everyday life. (ie running a company on their day-to-day wants to be told and dominate in the bedroom.) What you do privately is your business unless you choose to share it. The trust you have with your partner should not be questioned.
Restraint/Bondage - is a great place to begin when exploring BDSM. Many couples try it and don't consider it BDSM. Remember it's restricting a person's physical movement, and it can be through, rope, handcuffs, and even direct orders not to move.
Pain/Sensation Play - This is another amazing place to begin for beginners to explore BDSM. It can also be done with Restraint/Bondage. Some ideas to try would be, wax play, nipple clamps, flogging, spanking, biting, temperature play, and many others.
Mental Play - Once you are comfortable and want to explore a little further you can try mental play. The mental play is intended for a more psychological impact. Some kinks are name-calling, shaming, collars, animal play, humiliation, and like before many others.
When you're ready to play.
Communicate - Talk to your partner. This is key your partner cannot read your mind. This is one of the hardest parts of exploring BDSM the fear of what your partner might think. BDSM requires communication and it needs to be clear, intimate, and importantly non-judgmental. One of the easiest ways is to start small such as requesting to be spanked or pulling my hair harder, or tying my hands. Nothing says you have to jump into the deep end unless that is what you desire. Remember to discuss your interests and your hard limits. You never know your partner might have some kinks they would like to explore as well.
Negotiate - BDSM is kind of like a scene in a movie or play. The scene is choreographed in advance before the scene begins. The most important person is the submissive. The submissive controls the scene and how it will play out. Remember any interaction must be done with consent and communication.
Community - Most larger metropolitan cities or areas have BDSM and kink communities. You can also check out Fet Life, Kinksters of Facebook are some easy ways to talk to people who are in the scene.
Safety - Consent is key to any scene and remembers to stick to the boundaries that were established. It is perfectly okay to end the scene before and during the scene if at any point you feel uncomfortable. Remember to establish a safe word before the scene begins. Try to avoid "stop" or "no" you want it to be something random that will take you out of the scene. Some ideas are usual "pineapple" but I like to use "red."
Aftercare - Is just as important if not the most important aspect of BDSM. This is done after the scene is finished. You want to ensure your partner is okay mentally, physically, and emotionally. You want to soothe your partner with hydration, relaxation, or any activity your partner enjoys to help them relax. This is a perfect opportunity to reflect and talk with your partner about the scene and see what worked and what did not. As I said many times before communication is key.
