Witch Group Session : I can do both :P North Carolina Boudoir
I Can Do Both
By default my sex works against me - I’m going to make it work for me. Images of women’s bodies to tantalize, advertise, and objectify have been the norm for as long as they’ve existed. An erect nipple under a sheer top is par for the course, but an exposed nipple to breastfeed is scandalous.
Sexism seeps into all areas of life as we refuse to recognize it because it’s so insidious. I choose to flip sexism on its overinflated head and beat it to the punch. I thought... being ‘classy’ meant imposed modesty... but imposed modesty is bullshit. I thought... being a mom meant, editing. Editing my words, time, appearance, and priorities. But creating life doesn’t preclude me from any of the other things I enjoy. I thought... I would worry about posting photos of myself that my children might see... but we’re changing the narrative about sexuality in our house.
When Brii first moved to Boone I started following her page. Women I knew from preschool and the playground were divulging so many open ideas on her page. We all built one another up and anyone who stepped outside those parameters was promptly shown out. We met at the Children’s Playhouse and then didn’t see each other again outside a quick run in downtown until the witchy boudoir shoot. I see myself as an enlightened woman, and I’ve worked hard for that, so if you came for humility, this isn’t for you. The work is never done and I’ll always be working to dismantle my own prejudice.
That being said, I believe sex work is legitimate work, slut-shaming is gross, there’s no such thing as a ‘slut/whore/etc’ -you like being called one with consent, have at it - but otherwise, those words are tools of the patriarchy to keep women in their place. Everything Brii does is about destroying that ‘place’. Dismantling the blushing aversion most people have to sex, being sexy, feeling sexy. Talking about kink, erotica, and the ‘taboo’ topics. As a plus-size mother of 3, and partner of 16 years the world resoundingly says ‘Nah. I’ve had the joy and burden of pushing back against ‘sex’ as a whispered word and unapologetically loving my body. I’m supposed to be ‘tasteful’, I’m supposed to be ‘suggestive’ at most, I’m supposed to be ‘elegant and timeless. Who decided Rubenesque, fat, curvy, voluptuous, were ‘less than’ descriptors?
Who decided class and taste were mutually exclusive with emanating sex? Enjoying sex? Talking about feeling beautiful and sexy and claiming our bodies in a new way? As I’ve often reminded people who have doubted me ‘I can do both’ - even if ‘both’ is five simultaneous things. I hear a lot of people discussing a boudoir experience talk about gaining confidence. I’ve got to be honest and say I went in feeling pretty good, I left feeling even better. New lingerie, a velvet cape, vampy makeup look, a crew of gorgeous women, and a talented photographer will do that. The vibe was chill, we all glammed up together, and brainstormed how to best set off the smoke bombs and evade the bees. (Brii is a stone-cold killer, she had a bee playing in her eyelashes and didn’t flinch). So when I got tagged in the photos from the shoot I didn’t flinch posting them. I knew a mixed audience WOULD see them and I loved all the things that inspired me to think through and address about sexuality, sensuality, body image, and sex positivity. Societally, we’re told to present our sexuality in a disingenuous way that validates rape culture. The lack of ownership women are encouraged to take over their own sex lives matters. The narrative of a resistant or ‘hard to get’ woman is inherently toxic when it relates to denying what you want in the name of someone else’s arbitrary values. Yes, I took half-naked pictures in the woods dressed as a witch and I felt hot doing it.
Yes, I will teach my children to know and love their bodies and show them off in ways that feel good to them. To enjoy their bodies and know their worth. To take pictures that make them feel good and share them with audiences who do the same. I teach them about consent every single day. Names of body parts, gender identity, and fluidity, sex positivity, self-expression, exploration, and confidence. These are the things that matter to us. These photos and this group changed the narrative.
I’m not ‘a mom who struggled to reclaim her sexuality, I’m a woman embodying my sexuality because I deserve to be my full self. I didn’t share the photos ‘despite’ being a mother, I shared them because I’m a mother. I shared them because they’re beautiful, I’m beautiful, and talking about sex as an act of love, respect, and excitement is beautiful. I shared them because all bodies are different and fetishizing one example is boring. I shared them to tell other women who feel like they have to be different people to different audiences say ‘fuck em, I’m just me’. The freedom I felt when I accepted that my body is not for other people’s consumption or approval was palpable. Challenge your mindset, prejudices, and get naked.
